My mother is irreplaceable. At 87, she’s a pistol – energetic, smart, and funny. She’s experienced the Great Depression, seen the effects of war, raised two children, survived illness, and coped with sadness. A nature and animal devotee, she never turned down a single stray animal during my childhood, and hosted over thirty cats, dogs, and wild birds who resided on our back porch. Today, she still loves America and life, and is more well-read and politically savvy than anyone I know. I don’t need to consult the newspaper every day. I call Vern to find out what’s going on in Congress.
Like most mothers and daughters, Mom and I had tough times. But over time, our relationship grew into something beautiful, and she became my confidante and rock-solid support system. When I became a mother, I passed her love and wisdom on to my own children. She taught me to be more open-minded, and in turn, she listened to all my angst and silly stories. She always saw my point of view.
I’ve been known to tackle big challenges. Having two children and getting a PhD at the same time was fairly demanding, and Mom never let me quit when the going got tough. When I began to journey into the dance world, she tapped her feet to the beat of the ballroom music and celebrated her birthdays at competitions. We giggled like two schoolgirls while we glued rhinestones on my dresses and talked about the old days when she and dad used to dance the foxtrot. She adopted my adventure as her own and continues to write me countless letters that encourage me to keep on dancing.
For years, a Mother’s day poem has been taped to my kitchen wall that pretty much sums it up:
Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky,
Hundreds of shells on the shore together,
Hundreds of birds that go singing by,
Hundreds of lambs in the sunny weather.
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn
But only one mother the wide world over.
- George Cooper
Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the rich relationships that enhance our lives. We would not be the same without the people who mother us and love us unconditionally.
In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I am giving away the Kindle version of The Women’s Book of Empowerment from May 9th to the 13th. Pick up a copy and be sure to buy and a copy of The Oneness Gospel and Let Your Goddess Grow! Paperback books make wonderful gifts for friends, so don’t forget to order a signed copy. If Amazon is out of stock on The Women’s Book of Empowerment or Let Your Goddess Grow!you can purchase signed copies directly from our bookstore!
I am thankful for each and every one of you, and for mothers everywhere for all they do.
Everyone experiences challenges, pain, loss, and setbacks. How can we look at our disappointments and hurts and still maintain a positive perspective on life? How do we increase our resiliency when we’re going through turbulent changes?
The story of Kisa Gotami
A Buddhist story, “The Mustard Seed,” shows that we don’t suffer independently or differently from others. This story is a favorite of the Oneness guides of India. As the story goes, Kisa Gotami, a woman whose son has died, is in deep suffering. In her grief, she carries her son’s body to all the people in her village and asks everyone for help. Finally a villager sends her to see the Buddha, to whom she cries out, “Master, please help me! Give me medicine to cure my child and bring him back to life!”
“Bring me a handful of mustard seeds that were taken from a house where no death has occurred and no grief experienced,” the Buddha replies. “It must be a home where no one has lost a parent, friend, spouse, or child. Then you will be free from suffering.”
So Kisa Gotami searches for a family that has not experienced death. She cannot find such a family, of course. At each home in her village, she is reminded that everyone has gone through the same grief she is experiencing. There is no house where a beloved person has not died. Everyone has suffered as she is suffering. Finally, she realizes that her suffering is not unique. Now she knows that her situation cannot be changed. Since death happens in all families, she can no longer remain selfish in her grief. At last, because she sees that she is not alone, Kisa Gotami releases her suffering. She buries her child in the forest and returns to the Buddha to take comfort.
This story is a lesson about shared suffering. It’s about understanding that we don’t suffer differently from other people. Like Kisa Gotami, we have experienced joy, happiness, pain, and fear. None of these are new, and our suffering is not special. Suffering is common to humanity because no one leads an independent existence. In the New Testament writings, the mustard seed represents faith. Everyone has the same emotions, even the same habits that we use to avoid suffering. We are intimately related and connected through suffering, and we share it collectively. We can no more own suffering than we can own the stars.
Your suffering is not unique
Your suffering is not unique, nor are you alone in your suffering. Suffering is shared, nobody owns it, and we even suffer the same way. Suffering is the same for everybody, because it is always the same mechanism at work. Since we share the same mind and consciousness, why would our suffering be different?
There is no one on this planet that will escape suffering. When we resist suffering, we dissociate from the experience, we blame others, or we set up escape routes in our mind to distract us. We’re afraid to experience suffering, but if you want to be finished with it, then you’ll have to allow those feelings to come. Resistance can be its own brand of suffering. This is because your resistance will keep the experience coming back again and again.
If hurt is present, don’t create some explanation for it. Experience the hurt completely and let yourself go straight through the experience. Give yourself permission to feel these things just as if you would if joy were in front of you. Don’t be afraid. Suffering is just another experience. It comes to an end. When you embrace it and move though it, you won’t get stuck in it.
I hope you enjoyed these tips on being with ease with yourself. I’d love to hear from you, so please do share your comments and personal stories below.
And, please stay in touch with me by subscribing to this blog using the form on the right-hand side of your screen. That way, I can send you more stories and insight from The Oneness Gospel.
We are often so busy managing our busy lives that we forget to fill up our own tank of energy. How do we refill ourselves? Going to the spa or a yoga class helps us nurture ourselves, but learning to be at ease with who we are is more important to recharging our batteries. How can we learn to be at ease with ourselves? What does it mean to be an authentic person?
When we don’t know ourselves, we can’t have a healthy and balanced outlook on life. Self-power grows through self-appreciation and self-nurturing. Being at ease is accepting yourself. People, who know who they are, express self-love calmly and confidently. They’re extremely magnetic. Ease is everyone’s natural, healthy state. People who are not at ease with themselves must force themselves to be compassionate; they exhibit impatience and are unable to be fully present when you are with them.
You are a butterfly
Like butterflies, we are all in various stages of personal growth and spiritual metamorphosis. In the butterfly’s larval stage, it’s a caterpillar. The caterpillar has to shed its skin several times in order to accommodate its expanding body. It knows exactly where it is while it’s preparing itself and getting stronger for its final transformation. It goes into its chrysalis, into solitude, into the dark, and completely reassembles its cells to make itself into a new butterfly. Shortly before the butterfly emerges from its chrysalis, the chrysalis becomes transparent and reveals the butterfly inside. To prepare for takeoff, the insect’s swollen body pumps fluids into its tiny, shriveled-up wings. This fluid, which comes from a reservoir contained in its abdomen, sustains the butterfly and allows it to expand its wings and fly.
If we were butterflies, what would happen to us if our chrysalis cracked open early and we had to emerge before we were ready? Could we eat what was in front of us? Would we fly any faster, any longer, any higher? I like to think that we develop strength and spiritual vitality when we crawl out on our own. Without this work, we would die. We really can’t choose not to emerge. That’s the natural way of things. Like the butterfly, we must pay attention to what is presented to us and integrate the inner world of awareness and the outer world of experience so these worlds inform one another. This is how we develop authenticity.
The Sage and the Mouse
There is a wonderful story in my new book The Oneness Gospel. It’s a favorite of the monks of India.
Long ago, there once was a kindly wise man who adopted a mouse. The Sage, who was also a great wizard, turned this mouse into a girl and lovingly raised her as his daughter. Under his tutelage and kindness, she grew to be serene and beautiful. She became his greatest joy. He gave her an education, and she received all the benefits of a life of refinement and abundance. When she came of age, and it was time for her to marry, the Sage, knowing she deserved the best, looked for a suitable husband for her. He presented the overseers of the cosmos to her: the kings of the sun, the moon, and the stars, all great and noble beings. They were the most excellent and honorable marriage candidates in the universe.
The girl who had been a mouse thoughtfully considered the life that each king could offer to her. She contemplated on the lofty power each one represented. Then, one by one, she rejected them, turning down their offers of marriage. Still only desiring her happiness, the Sage searched to the ends of the earth to find more noble beings who represented the different aspects of nature: the lords of the wind and the mountain, the ruler of the ocean. These he presented to her in a grand ceremony, hoping to honor and please her. Again, she kindly refused each one.
One day, the Rat Guardian, who was not invited to be presented with the other noble beings, arrived at the palace to ask for the girl’s hand. His greatest achievement was to tunnel through the hard structure of the mountains. The Sage’s daughter instantly fell in love with the Rat Guardian, whom she thought was the finest candidate of all. When the Sage saw this, he was perplexed. How could this be? Then he remembered that his daughter deserved to know her true self and know happiness. With this realization, he instantly turned her back into a mouse so she could marry the Rat Guardian and live with authenticity and happiness.
What’s the moral here? You can never deny who you really are. If you try to be something you’re not, there can be no joy, no feeling of completion. To be at ease, you must be who you are. If you can only be a mouse, then be that mouse and feel satisfied with the choices you make in life that arise from that authentic part of you. Being yourself will be your greatest joy. When you know your own truth and relax into who you are, life will always support you. Watch the corresponding video on The Balancing Act here.
Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.is an ordained Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking and a Deeksha facilitator trained by the oneness guides from Fiji and India. She is the bestselling author of Let Your Goddess Grow!7 Spiritual Lessons on Female Power and Positive Thinking and The Women’s Book of Empowerment: 323 Affirmations That Change Everyday Problems Into Moments of Potential. Her Midwestern sensibility and spiritual approach to self-empowerment has helped thousands awaken to their Divine magnificence within. Her new book The Oneness Gospel is having its big Amazon launch on Tuesday April 24th, 2012. Subscribe to this blog for more inspiration and news of how to get the book and some wonderful gifts during the launch.
Because our dear dogs are such regular fixtures in our lives, and mean the world to us, I thought you should know that this morning our dear Lily Bernadette Lemontine has crossed over and is no longer with us. I am so sad today.
A somewhat misshaped lemon and white Basset Hound, Lily wasn’t ill, just getting old. Last night, parked in her usual spot under the dinner counter, she received wonderful New York steak tidbits and pasta that conveniently fell off of our plates. She lived an amazing life, considering when we found her at a pet store nearly 13 years ago, she had Parvo but she triumphantly conquered that disease along with the hearts of everyone who has ever been to our home. I don’t think any dog had more nicknames nor enjoyed digging for critters in the mud outside of the Dogtrot (a northern Michigan lodge with miles of woods) as much as Little Miss Muffin Buttcakes.
For years, she marched in the Birmingham Bassett Hound Parade in a pink ruffled southern bonnet that she never complained about, while I dressed up like a goofy tourist in Basset Hound attire, always wondering if she’d be too lazy to finish walking the three-block parade route. No worries, she would be rescued by the Pooped Pup Truck, a golf cart driven by a morning volunteer whose job was to pick up tired Bassets from the roadside. And her favorite place to be other than the dinner bowl was on the boat, taking a nap under the summer sun.
Sometime this morning, she simply walked outside the doggie door, took one last look at the sky and just laid down to rest. And on her own terms, and without any fuss, that was the end of her earth journey. My guess is that she went on to find her buddy Duncan somewhere over the Rainbow Bridge and the two of them are now leaping over logs and rabble rousing with the squirrels.
It always amazes me how much we grow to love our dogs (are they truly dogs? I think they are furry angels in disguise) and how big a presence they have in our lives because they give without asking. They listen to our silly stories, offering us love and comfort whenever we want, and are our biggest fans. This dog was my dear friend for so long, it is difficult to let go today, but like all things in life, this too shall pass and all will be well.
Live from the inside out. Let’s learn to develop calmness and a feeling of inner expansion. Calmness invites focus, self awareness, energy, intelligence into our experience. Bliss is not going to knock on our front door and asked to be let in! Calmness is developed with diligence – we must learn to quiet the mind in meditation or contemplation.
Practice inner awareness. We must get to know our own behavior. When we learn to live as an observer, we are aware of our own behaviors and how it affects others.
Be fully present with people and circumstances. Quit texting when you are talking to someone and give them your full attention. Slow your mind down and focus on the task or situation at hand.
Value honesty and seek to be authentic. Part of being at ease and living a balanced life is to be an authentic individual. You can never, ever give someone something you do not already own yourself, such as love. To try to do so is inauthentic. So, as you get to know yourself, learn to be honest with your feelings, recognize your unique perspective on life. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, celebrate you and your gifts to the world in your work, personal life, and activities.
Today’s Affirmation
Developing ease and positivity also comes from affirming the best in you. So let’s begin our day with an affirmation that recognizes our desire to get in touch with ourselves. We cannot lead a balanced life until we love and appreciate who we are. Let’s affirm:
“Today I change the way I internalize life. I inhale living spirit with every breath I take and focus my energy to help others on their soul journey. I love my entire self and trust life. I am comfortable knowing that I am loved for who I am because I am a unique expression of creation. I am in love with my true and authentic self.”
I hope you enjoyed these tips on being with ease with yourself. I’d love to hear from you, so please do share your comments and personal stories below.
And, please stay in touch with me by subscribing to this blog using the form on the right-hand side of your screen. That way, I can send you more stories and insight from The Oneness Gospel.
Change your outlook on change. This is ‘big picture’ thinking. While major upheavals in life can be challenging, you still need to view adversity as change, not as loss and failure. Humans develop resiliency through change, both physiologically and emotionally. It is necessary for all life forms to evolve. You have to give up ‘certainty’ and trust the process of life more often. Know that Spirit supports you no matter what. Adversity is a deeply spiritual lesson because God is attempting to show you a piece of life you need to view for your own evolution and transformation.
Remain fully present to your suffering. Being fully present during loss, grief, and all forms of adversity is important. Until you process your pain, you cannot move through it. People often stuff or manage their emotional pain which then translates into poor health, overeating, and more psychological suffering. Feel your suffering, and experience it in order to move past it.
Affirm your positive, present moment benefits no matter what. Accepting life’s contrasts, whether from financial loss, divorce, illness, or grief, means you accept life wholeheartedly. You must accept the bad as well as the good. As adults we tend to resent life. Keep moving forward, and ask for Divine assistance. You will be amazed at how help arrives so be open to receiving your good. The universe is infinitely creative and will send help in ways you could not imagine.
Let’s draw strength together and remember each day is a new opportunity to make positive change in your world, no matter what. Affirm:
“Change is good. I am comforted knowing starting over is an ongoing job. I am becoming more resilient with every circumstance. I never give up. Life is a cycle and there’s always more room for love. I believe I am evolving every day.”
Suffering is a condition we can move through. Humans are designed to experience grief but not be permanently stuck in grief. Remember, adverse changes in life permit personal growth and permit us a greater capacity to love.
I hope you enjoyed these tips on embrace the light and dark sides of life. I’d love to hear from you, so please do share your comments and personal stories below.
And, please stay in touch with me by subscribing to this blog using the form on the right-hand side of your screen. That way, I can send you more stories and insight from The Oneness Gospel.
Affirmations are a simple tool we can use to feel better about ourselves. By repeating aloud or silently the positive things we want for our lives, we train our minds to move past other people's views and our own internal scripts to embrace new and joyful possibilities. According to Charlene Proctor, Ph.D., affirmations help "arrest the impulse to self-doubt and give you more energy to focus your attention on a life filled with prosperity, love, good health, and happiness."
Her affirmations, lectures, and electronic programs reach a worldwide audience daily. She is a frequent media guest and among the Top 100 Thought Leaders of 2007. (The Warren Bennis Leadership Magazine).
Charlene, your words inspire me each and everyday! They open my mind and expand my horizons to places I've never traveled. keep up with all the wisdom and words of encouragement!! My god bless you and keep you healthy and safe. Just one more thing. I would so vote for you if you were on Dancing with the stars !!!!!!! David
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Charlene Proctor,
Thank you for your kind words and becoming a great friend and mentor. You positive words help lift my spirits and inspire me. I look forward to having the honor to offer a great service to you.Gods Grace be with you, Aimee
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Amazon review from: Let Your Goddess Grow! 7 Spiritual Lessons on Female Power and Positive Thinking (Paperback)
I purchased the book for my 19 years old daughter as a Christmas Gift. She's enjoying the reading and is happy about owning this book. I can see a slight improvement and a learning as on a mother daughter day she'll explain to me how she's learning to think positive based on her reading....
and Mom never let me quit when the going got tough. When I began to journey into the dance world, she tapped her feet to the beat of the ballroom music and celebrated her birthdays at competitions. We giggled like two schoolgirls while we glued rhinestones on my dresses and talked about the old days when she and dad used to dance the foxtrot. She adopted my adventure as her own and continues to write me countless letters that encourage me to keep on dancing.
